I was poking around in the Notes app on my phone, when I came across an old Gratitude List on there, from a meditation I had done in my car just before walking in to work.

This was before kiddo’s visit.

She was item one.

My upcoming birthday was item two.

Every other weekend off was item three.

At the time, I had reflected that maybe I needed to find less daughter-centric things to be happy about, to reestablish my independence as a human being. Who I was apart from a mom/parent.

Today, I’m okay that she’s top of the list, though I bumped the cats to item two, sine the birthday visit already happened.

(And it was very, very epic.)

She’s an amazing person– so patient and so kind, funny and considerate.

And she called tonight, as I was wrapping up a poem and journal entry.

Maybe it’s okay that she’s so important to me, as long as I’m important to me, too. Trying to invest more time into things I need to do to feel better about myself.

Tonight, I added some more items to the list.

This, mind you, was after I had endeavored to edit a list of everything I accomplished today, then accidentally deleted it, when trying to get rid of the beginnings of a spreadsheet graph I added to the top by mistake, trying to figure out bullet points.

However, I did a lot today.

Solo adventures and EVERYTHING!!!

And I bought an aux cord today for the car. Spotify rockin’ the car speakers. So amazing. I didn’t think my car was new enough for that to work! The last time we attempted it with my mom’s old car, the stereo would only accept an iPod, not an iPhone.

Also picked up this book:

And I got some oil free moisturizer with some SPF to it, for some self-care.

AND I picked up one more laundry basket, just to help me cope with all the clothes, until I’m done sorting through all of them and figuring out which items I mean to hang on to.

But I have a garbage bag most of the way full already of things I no longer need, including a gorgeous dress I wore on NYE that I think maybe I’m not built for? Or else it requires fashion tape? I had a minor wardrobe malfunction wearing it.

Either way, short of safety pinning it to a bra and poking holes in it in the process, I’m not quite sure how to fix it. And it seems more high maintenance than I’m prepared to handle.

I’m not even certain if fashion tape would do the job.

Here’s a selfie of me in it.

I wasn’t feeling well that night, but I looked purdy good anyway.

I also found the sweaters that I didn’t realize were crops when I ordered them online. Who wants a crop top in the winter?! I miss the days of layering sweaters with long lace-trimmed camis. Long sweaters with leggings and boots. Alas. Going to dispense with all but one of those.

The one with the pink stars on it has to stay. I will FIND something to layer it with, somehow. Tried bodysuits, but I’m not a fan.

A friend of mine called while I was sorting and said I’m welcome to add things to her mom’s rummage sales. So I’m gonna see what else I can fit in the bag and give it to her. She had said that would be the way to go.

Should I talk about my day?

Here it is:

I woke up, checked the temperature, BOLDLY decided on shorts with unshaven legs because I wanted to be comfortable in 80+ degree heat. Found a baseball cap -style hat to wear. Brushed my teeth, after enjoying some strong tea with lemon juice and honey.

Started up some laundry. Picked up groceries. Dropped them off. Poked at the laundry some more. Drove to Target for my pick-up order for the items I mentioned above. I had a couple gift cards and some online specials and a birthday offer. Then, I drove to Lane Bryant to pick up my birthday sandals that I got for under $2. They had some really pretty final sale earrings. Maybe I will go back. We’ll see.

Looped back to the laundry. Had some dinner with the ‘rents.

Got all the clothes off my bed, and most of the clothes off the floor, loading up the new basket. Worked on sorting through my clothes. Some of what needs cleaning, I also plan to part with. But I made a lot of headway there regardless.

Came across an Instagram reel by a creative I follow. It was three days old, but today was as good a day to see it as any other. Better, since 3 days ago kiddo would’ve been here.

She said she sees that you’re scrolling the internet. Would you be happier if you were making art? I watched the reel to the end then whipped out my notebook and some stickers.

At first, I thought, maybe a sticker collage, but that didn’t feel right.

So, I journaled.

Then, I roughed out a poem inspired by the phrase on one of the stickers:

Good things take time.

I think that doesn’t just mean you have to be patient. It also means you need to really invest the time into what you want to achieve. Gift that time to yourself instead of allowing it to be frittered away.

That’s the essence of the poem. Accented with stickers, as is the journal entry. I also did a very short breathing meditation, somewhere in there, and read the introduction to the book you see above.

About to take my meds, brush my teeth, wash my face, and read some poetry while I get sleepy. Still have 2 library books to finish.

I learned our local museum has a Pride exhibit that I really want to see. And they still offer free admittance to residents of my county every first Wednesday of the month. Too late to get in free for June, but I can pay this month to see the Pride stuff and start going free later on.

And I made loose plans with my friend, to hang out a week from tomorrow, and maybe grab dinner this weekend.

Lots to anticipate.

And I still have many murals to document in our area!

Let’s end on a high note.

Three FRESH things for which I’m thankful, wrapping up the evening.

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GRATITUDE LIST FOR TODAY

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• So thankful for my friendships, for N. thanking me for checking out her booth at the Night Market, and helping me figure out what to do with my clothes– ways to maybe make some money from them, not just donate. Besides, I can always donate what doesn’t sell. And B. was super supportive today over messaging.
• Still amused that my daughter figured out the Elvira cardboard cutout in my bathroom, which is nearly life-size, will accept Snapchat filters. Looking forward to taking some pics with her gorgeousness.
• It’s a small thing, but I’m thankful for the aux cord– another of kiddo’s suggestions for small ways I could improve my life. I’m not sure what else I thought that jack was for, since the button above it specifically says CD/AUX. But it works!!! MAGICAL.

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It was also at kiddo’s suggestion that I started going through my clothes. She was much kinder in her assessment that I simply have too many to keep up with. Keeping them clean and put away. It’s too hard. So, she’s still helping, even now that she’s back home. Even if this is home, too. This city, this state, with me.

And she encouraged me to look for a more affordable place to live. Still need to make some phone calls there. Gotta set up a follow-up appointment for the cat, too. But I will.

Good night!