I’m listening to my Hippie Laurel Canyon Vibes playlist and happened upon some psychedelic looking stuff on Canva. Really digging that. The quote I found on one graphic, though I rephrased it a bit. The image originally had a different phrase about how life is not a race. Also true.

I guess I just like the idea that there is more to any of us than meets the eye, because it makes me feel hopeful and optimistic. All that potential.

I needed some bolstering today. SOOOOOOO exhausted after chasing around yesterday and waking up a couple times during the night. BUT with a little help and someone riding shotgun, I picked up what I absolutely needed ASAP. Supplies for the cat and groceries and gasoline.

Already started cleaning up a little but became overwhelmed very quickly. Taking a break to caffeinate and think before finishing up task one. Music and caffeine and words. All very helpful to kick my brain back into gear.

Haven’t checked in with kiddo yet. Been waiting. I sometimes feel like I am a lot/too much. Did hear from some of my old coworkers, though.

Have I mentioned the Ice Cream Chat on this blog? We have a Messenger chat where we share really good deals on ice cream and popsicles and such. Occasionally something random like dino nuggets, because one of us REALLY loves dinosaurs.

Anyway there was a recall on ice cream that came out of a particular plant because it was found to have all been tainted by something potentially fatal. The brand was Totally Cool Inc.

Here’s a link, PSA.

https://www.npr.org/2024/06/26/nx-s1-5020142/ice-cream-recall-listeria-hersheys-friendlys-jenis

I had already read about the recall. I think I received an email about it. But one of my former coworkers shared the link in our chat.

From there, I thanked her. She even listed off a few of the products, since many of the initial releases named the plant and manufacturer, but not the individual items affected.

I then added that I decided to play it uber safe when I went shopping. Instead of ice cream, I picked up chocolate hazelnut Uncrustables. The dino guy chimed in at that point, ecstatic to learn those were a thing. (They are pretty dang delicious).

It was great to hear from them. And I have plans to meet up with one of them Sunday night after she’s done with work. Can’t wait to catch up.

It’s just hard sometimes. I want to be independent and take better care of myself, but I struggle so much. BUT we’re only on day two of the new medication. So. We will see.

With all the support I need from time to time, it’s challenging not to feel like a burden. My mom made such a huge deal about seeing my daughter again and how nice it would be to have someone younger around, etc., and it felt like she preferred my daughter’s company to mine. At times, I alternately feel taken for granted, or like I’ve overstayed my welcome.

I’m trying not to spend as much time at their house, when I can, because the dynamic sometimes seems to make me sad. And maybe if I spent more time at home, I would have more motivation to keep it tidier. I also want to do more adventuring, though going to the beach was good.

Still haven’t lingered in bookstore cafes as I had envisioned. That feels like a decent place to meet someone romantically, but I don’t know if anyone would approach you while you’re reading. My thought process, however, was that at least you’re guaranteed they’d be a reader. And that’s a decent start.

My attention span fluctuates rather wildly, and I don’t read every day. But I do love to write. I read when I can.

I’m trying to deepen my connections with everyone else in my life, and reach out to new people. Started talking to someone new last night. So far so good, perhaps? We will see.

It’s just hard not to feel like a drain on the emotional resources of everyone around me. But then I have to remind myself that’s the depression lying to me, that I care about them right back, and give my support on the daily.

I just happen to be in a season of my life where I need a lot of support.

Honestly, maybe I have been for the past decade or so, ever since an epic breakup, followed by kiddo moving out.

I read a quote by a writer I like (was it Anne Lamott?). It was a female writer. That much I recall. The essence: at some point in your life, you will lose someone without whom you cannot go on. The loss will be such that you will forever after limp along through life, but you’ll learn how to dance with the limp.

AH I found the quote on Goodreads. It was Anne Lamott. Here it is…

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“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
― Anne Lamott

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Retrospectively, I can pinpoint moments he belittled me, but even so, it was a hard loss. Then many years later, coming across an anonymous dating profile that reminded me of him, and Googling him just to check to see if he was stateside again, only to learn he had died.

And then kiddo moving a thousand miles away, in between. By the time I knew he’d died, she was already gone.

Loss can change you. I agree with that wholeheartedly. I hope I’ve at least become somewhat more compassionate in the process of my own struggles. Tempting as it is to lose yourself in the microcosm of your own thoughts, other people need you to show up for them when you can.

My creativity helps me in ways, both as a coping mechanism, and as a way of sharing myself with the world. At least, that’s my hope.

This turned out much more serious than I had envisioned when I began writing. But it’s good to get your thoughts out, I suppose.

Now, to see about having a wee something to eat, and finishing up task one!

My second mission, if I choose to accept it, is to lather up the cat with waterless shampoo and brush her out.

Anyway… enjoy your ice cream safely! And have a wonderful summer, even if it’s not like you won’t hear from me again before it’s over. It’s a good season to savor, though, even if the heat and humidity can be a bit much now and then.

Soon enough…. long autumn walks and Spooky Season!!! Stay icy chill til then.