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Started off the day sleeping in. Went to bed a little early last night and even caught a short nap on the couch, on the advice of a friend. Trying to trick my brain into kicking out the good chemicals and just overall recover, reset.

Made it to the grocery store later on in spite of fatigue (took some encouraging to get me out the door– texted my daughter about it). I was just packing up my car in the parking lot when my mom called. I dropped off what needed refrigeration, and we went out to lunch.

I realized on the way back to the house that there were a few things I had forgotten. She offered to drive me to a different grocery store kind of on the way back to their house where I had left my car.

Since I went to BOTH Pick n Save and Festival, I got the best of both worlds. Pick n Save has salad toppers I really like and amazing grain free granola. Festival sells a lot more sippin’ soups and stocks the good Chex Mix (Buffalo Ranch).

I bought breakfast staples, lots of Chai Latte mix (3 flavors), burger patties and buns for a dinner option, etc. Will need more dinner stuff once the burgers run out, but I think it was a 4 pack.

Got my car packed back up with goodness from TWO grocery stores and came home. Decided to do a Tarot card reading of what 2023 has in store for me, from a spread suggested by the creator of the Wild Unknown Tarot. Here’s what I got. The cards go clockwise, January to December, starting at the top, and the card in the center is the essence of MY 2023.

The essence of the year is self-interest and cleverness for self-preservation, with the caveat to make sure I don’t have selfish motivations for concealing my actions/motivations.

There are some cards in certain months suggestive of a need for greater reflection and resolution of internal issues, like February’s 2 of Swords, April’s 5 of Cups, June’s 8 of Swords, etc. That may be part of the reason for spending the year drawing a bit inward. There’s also a warning about criticism and betrayal with November’s 5 of Swords; this could be also be about negative self-talk and self-destructive thought patterns.

I’m hopeful with the year’s resolution, with Wheel of Fortune.

In any case, it’s food for thought. I also had a great time panning around the circle with my phone and turning the reading into a cute Instagram reel, set to a Dead Can Dance song, because why not?

From there, I started thinking about the prompt for the upcoming gallery show. That inspired the collage with the word “HOME” on it (which is the theme of the show). I may yet create a fully-original painting or something reflecting this theme, as something I can submit. I have a little bit of time. Still, either way, I had a really good time building the collage.

Also preparing for the new year with new planner stuff and a new journal on the way. Here’s the January image for my new planner pages:

Also been working on a scrapbook I got with a birthday gift card the birthday before last. The idea of that scrapbook was to begin to commemorate my adventures in empty nesting. Sometimes it seemed a bit superfluous given that I also save photos on social media when I go places and do fun things. So far, I’m using it for things other than photos. I can also get some batteries for my Instax and take some instant pics to add to it. Something different than what I can see any time online on my pages.

I added a little to the scrapbook before heading to the store today, in fact. Almost forgot to mention that.

Been struggling with very heavy depression the past few days. Had to be picked up to spend the night with family so I wouldn’t be alone. I’m not sure if I would have been safe without supervision. Today was maybe a LITTLE better? I know I probably sound fantastic with all this creativity going on. Still, I’m fiercely lonely, and tired in a way sleep doesn’t fix.

It’s hard to come up with things for which to be thankful when I feel so empty inside. Still, I’m going to try.

Here goes:

My friend Christine messaged me, just as I was considering if my life has any remaining purpose. I took it as a sign from the universe.

Barbara helped me put a positive spin on my Tarot theme of the year. She’s awesome at Tarot and dream interpretation.

My mom’s offer of lunch at her favorite restaurant was fun, and I’m not sure if I would’ve had the stamina for 2 grocery stores without her driving me to the second one.

My daughter did her best to cheer me up today from far away and cheered me on for being creative.

I’m also glad my dad helped pitch in with a reset of the apartment. I made some progress on my own, but I didn’t take my own advice and tackle the clothes a little at a time. Two meltdowns ensued. Next time, I will definitely use the colors approach. Hopefully, I can build even further on what’s been done so far, or at least try to keep it this clean for awhile.

The Witcher box set of books I ordered with a Christmas gift card should arrive tomorrow. That’s exciting too. Geralt can once again be my winter boo. I feel like we’d grok each other. He’s drawn to tempestuous women.

More journal and planner things on the way, and a used copy of the True Blood cookbook (it’s back on Hulu, as Barbara told me). I’m considering sprinkling in some True Blood décor in my kitchen, to complement the art prints my mom helped me get framed. Art of Cajun/Creole specialties. Kind of fits True Blood, too.

We will see. I can maybe do it a little at a time. Besides, even a tiny kitchen redo would possibly inspire me to clear out all the expired stuff in the cabinets and cook a bit more often (apart from breakfast and easy things).

The HBO store has a Merlotte’s cutting board, and I found a few things on etsy and other places. There are bills to pay and plane tickets to see my daughter to save toward, but still. I like having a project to get behind. If I have to draw it out, that’s more time to spend debating choices. Which is part of the fun. Vampires in the kitchen, yo! Who wouldn’t love that?!