Tumbling Down Various Rabbit Holes

The featured image for this post is a portrait of a former long-distance crush of mine. He inspired no less than 3 works of art. Of them all, I think this one is my favorite. It tracks that he’s stepping out of the frame, as we never met, and he just kinda poofed into the ether.

I rather miss having the kind of all-encompassing crushes that draw that much art out of me, as all that emotion looks for an outlet. Theoretically, I have plenty of celebrity crushes, but that doesn’t feel the same.

First world problems, I know.

HOWEVER… while I may have somewhat sidelined myself romantically for the time being, I am actively tossing my hat in the ring for publication once more. Little by little. Both some writing and some art, including the piece I featured here.

There’s a content creator/writer I follow who discussed self-publishing as a strategic decision because you gain more attention when you take up space instead of sitting in someone’s inbox waiting to be noticed. All the same, I haven’t had a lot of luck with it.

I’ll keep it in mind if absolutely NOTHING else works; I did bump up the prices on some of my existing ebooks and paperbacks, because I think they were undervalued based on what I see in bookstores for poetry collections. They are still quite affordable. But I wondered if having them priced at rock-bottom didn’t make them look inferior. I suppose I could go even higher, realistically, at some point.

Going back to the topic of crushes, there’s always fictional character/mythological crushes, like the subject of my poem “Romancing a god.”

My mom asked me why you’d want to romance a god. I guess she never felt that way about anything intangible. But mythology isn’t much of an interest of hers, either. To me, the question is more, why wouldn’t you?

That’s one heck of a standard for anyone mortal to live up to. I dunno. Mostly I just want someone capable of evoking my creative side.

Maybe stabilized on more effective medication, I’m less likely to fall as head over heels. My vote is still out on that one.

Age could also be a factor. I know I had someone tell me that about a story I workshopped– that someone older wouldn’t be capable of intense infatuation. I hope that isn’t true? I’d hate to believe all my best romantic interludes are behind me.

I know I still have it in me to feel deeply. Music makes me cry on a regular basis, and I’m on close and personal terms with various types of longing. I definitely want more for myself. I guess it’s just a matter of stepping out of my shell to find it.

Little by little. Art and poetry submissions, in-public adventures, nurturing friendships, etc.

I did write a poem about a fickle flame that seems to be fizzling out. So that’s something. And I GUESS I can put some fresh effort into the various dating apps. If I must. LOL.

I’m conflicted about putting in the work, when the rewards seem few and far between, but I’m also a bit bored with myself, as Springsteen sang. “Dancing in the Dark,” indeed.

Grateful AF for all the progress I made today making appointments, talking to my therapist, switching my HMO so I can keep seeing the same one after they swap out of their current office for a different provider location, and on and on.

AND I did some laundry, and went jeans shopping for work. Can’t wear the leopard print, sparkle-studded, or sequined ones professionally, no matter how fabulous they look.

AND I was treated to one of the Summer Berry Refreshers at Starbucks. Found out they also have a new Orange Cream CAKE POP that looks like an orange wedge!!! Will definitely have to try that this summer, along with the pineapple cloud cake.

But the refresher was amazing. The boba were SO so good.

New jeans, new drink, newly washed clothes, new HMO starting next month, dare I geek out and add A New Hope? For the OG Star Wars crew?

Lots to be thankful for. Still behind on X-Men 97, so I have TWO new episodes of that to watch, I think. Should’ve been another one today? Maybe?

ALSO… I found out new episodes of The Boys begin dropping ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! If all goes according to plan, kiddo will be in town that day, so I may not get to them immediately. I guess it’s not really her jam. But it’s fun when the universe gifts you something on your birthday. For sure.

A very merry unbirthday to all of you tonight/today, unless of course it IS your birthday, in which case, happy happy to that!

Speaking of the unbirthday song… Did I ever tell you I was once a vaguely gothy Alice, of Alice in Wonderland? I think I called it Malice in Wonderland. Silver metallic spiderwebs on the cape and my socks and tights, etc. AND several years later, I became the Mad Hatter.

Weird crop, I know… hand out of frame. But I wanted maximum costume detail to show. And that’s the best shot I have of that look.

As we part for the night, I offer you a photo I found on Pexels of a much more professional-looking Alice in Wonderland cosplay. But then I literally pulled mine together from stuff I had from years past and, in the case of Hatter, some inexpensive things from the craft store.

Best of luck with any rabbit holes you find yourself drawn to this week! And, to paraphrase Alice’s sequel, Through the Looking Glass, may you find yourself believing at least six impossible things before breakfast.