What’s in a name?

If I had to change my name, what would it be? That’s the prompt.

Here’s the thing. I did change my name.

Initially, I changed it when I got married to my then-husband.

BUT I kept it, because it means “angel” in German.

That was part of his (the ex’s) initial appeal. That translation sparked something in my superstitious new-age imagination.

And then there was the rapidness and awkward flourish with which he brandished a Zippo to light my cigarette, this being back before indoor smoking was banned in public spaces. But I eventually quit smoking, as I quit my ex.

I believe the last time I had a cigarette was the last time I was in-patient for depression, at a facility that will happily supply you either 3 or 4 smokes a day, scheduled at routine smoke breaks. I’m willing to concede to bad habits when I’m locked away and very, very sad. But it’s been some time since then.

Getting back to my name.

I kept it in part because it’s the last name of my child, but also because I liked the way it felt sounded out. Michelle Engel. It has a better “flavor” on the tongue than my maiden name did.

Besides, as I reasoned, he (the ex, kiddo’s bio dad) was adopted anyway. So it in a sense was never really his name either.

Which, of course, means it might not really be mine, except that I’ve decided to claim it. It reminded me ever so slightly of Madeleine L’Engle. An ambitious comparison, to be sure, but I thought the name sounded more bookworthy. More artworthy too, I suppose.

Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet questions the importance of names. A rose smells the same no matter what you call it. But personally, I believe names hold power, or at least have the capacity to do so.

In fact, I am very superstitious about not calling someone by their first name until I have a sense of who they are, because it feels wrong to invoke them without that knowledge.

Do I believe in angels? Some days, more so than others.

Disbelief can be tricky to suspend in difficult times.

But today, in spite of some ongoing health issues, feels like a win, because I found out ALL THREE of my paintings will be in the upcoming art show.

And there’s a closing reception for the previous show tomorrow at the same gallery, that I have hopes of attending.

I also started watching The Mayfair Witches, because I’m all out of Interview with the Vampire episodes until Sunday, when they post fresh content. I even made it through all of Season 1’s uncut episodes.

My assessment of the uncut version: It felt honestly much more Lestat-flavored than anything from Louis’ point of view. The added bits were mostly breasts and gore– so I can understand from a continuity standpoint why they were cut. I feel like neither of those things would be part of Louis’ highlight reel to that extent.

Anyway… more ooky spooky televised goodness to consider and critique… and another art show, with potential to sell some stuff… still have to get together enough pieces to submit to the library, if they still have openings. Hopefully, it’s ongoing. Good things!