I was thinking about this driving home, I think yesterday, how the way that a lot of people drive shows they put themselves first.
I was already a moody mess at that point, from an overreaction to a conversation with my daughter moments before, and stress from overstimulation, with a lot of people talking to me at once and all asking something of me, after I’d just come off a shift at work.
That’s a lot of run-on sentence action for someone with a pair of English degrees. Forgive me. LOL.
Anyway, the conclusion I reached, which I think is still true even absent my extreme emotions, is that I need to start putting myself first. Asserting myself more. Enforcing my boundaries. Rather than waiting for respect to just “click” for other people in my life. Acting like I expect it.
Poking around Canva, I found that delightful graphic. The phrases I cribbed, though I edited the image and the background, and I added the steam, the beans, and the coffee stains.
Ironically, I can’t always tolerate coffee anymore. Tummy issues, etc. But I adore it. I did find coffee with chicory was a little better, and it helps if it’s thinned with oat milk.
In related news, I heard from a friend today, and I have PLANS for tomorrow. I have to drive since she and her boyfriend are down to one car between them while his is in the shop. But she’s gonna try to get a ride over to my place. And she can navigate and psych me up to return to freeway driving. I am not a fan. I’ve been taking the longer, slower route through town to get to work.
We’re gonna go to the shore of I believe Lake Michigan? I think that’s the body of water that touches that particular beach. May dip my toes. Not planning on swimming. But there will be some stepping out of my comfort zone, getting some fresh air, releasing tension outside, etc. You name it!!!
And I meditated the past couple days. Got back on that. Woo!
I really need it too, because I had the WORST back pain last night. I nearly had to call for emergency services. I was stuck sitting up in my bed, on the edge of the bed, unable to stand, because I was in so much pain every time I moved. And my over the counter painkillers and all my psych meds were in another room.
It was a little late at night, but I tried calling my parents (once I could bear the pain enough to reach for my phone), since it felt like an emergency. I easily could’ve gone to the ER for as bad as it hurt.
At one point, I had prescription muscle relaxers for my back spasm, but I ran out a long time ago.
I don’t even have a fun story about how I hurt my back. During the pandemic shutdown, I spent too much time in one position on my bed, scrolling the internet on my phone. A muscle in my back twitched really painfully. Ever since then, I’ve had issues.
So, I gave myself back problems doing nothing.
Somehow, even though my dad was awake until after midnight last night, neither one of them heard the phone ring. We’re not sure if the call went through successfully. They’ve had issues with their phone line recently. But I called their landline twice, and both cell phones. No answer.
My daughter tried too. She didn’t get through to anyone either.
But she called me, and coached me through standing up to get my meds.
It happened again tonight– maybe a smidge less painful, but not by a lot. And I had already taken acetaminophen an hour before. Didn’t have anything else to take. No topicals either. Will have to look into that.
Then, my friend called about setting up our beach plans for tomorrow, and I relaxed dramatically talking to her about that, and a million other things, like Interview with the Vampire. She watches it too.
After she and I got off the phone, I was able to stand. So I realized the pain also causes tension (and likely tension can cause the pain– vicious cycle).
Just before she called, I was messaging kiddo and another friend/former coworker. That friend and I now have plans to meet up on Sunday when she’s done with work. Woohoo!!!
And Saturday, there’s a closing reception for the art show featuring 3 of my pieces. I’m hoping to make my way over there, even if I have to go solo, to ease my curiosity on who won the Best in Show, etc. Also, there were small snackies at the last closing reception I attended there. Cheese and crackers and beverage options. Who doesn’t love snackies?
Circling back around to the graphic I posted yesterday:
I have some care tasks at home I’ve been putting off, even if I did start one of them the other day (sorting through clothes I can say goodbye to).
There’s a lot that needs doing here, to varying degrees, so it’s kind of hard to know where to start. But I can maybe tackle some of it the day of beachy goodness and do more the day after. I need to run some errands in town, too, ideally tomorrow, to get some needed supplies to freshen everything up.
AND tomorrow I can start the new med. Maybe that will boost my energy some. It’s supposed to.
Been engaging my inner artist mostly digitally lately, but I also wrote a poem in my journal not too long ago. Gotta do that more often, or play with the magnetic poetry kits on my door. Or both. Also been reading poetry, as I have already shared. I’d like to do some physical collaging again, but I don’t have a lot of images to work with. I used to have all kinds of magazine subscriptions. But that was a very long time ago. Interview, Rolling Stone, a couple others.
They used to give out free women’s magazines at the grocery store by me. I wonder if they still do that? Like articles on healthy living and such. They had some fun pictures in them.
And I do have that bridal magazine I received, from entering my info with The Wedding Show, when I had won free tickets to attend the show (then didn’t, due to a blizzard).
Worth some digging. But I also have things I wanted to scrapbook, which might scratch that particular creative itch.
On expressing my feelings appropriately… I’ve had moments where I suspected my feelings didn’t fit the facts, but I allowed myself to surf through the feelings until they passed.
Been crying a lot more than usual, but I think that’s a lot healthier than bottling. I cried a whole lot I think the first day kiddo was here, when we were talking about what my life has been like lately.
I could be eating healthier, for sure. Too much processed stuff. But I struggle a lot with taking care of myself at home. Food preparation has been very hard lately. The microwave is my friend. And frozen personal pizzas. And zero sugar soda. But I try to keep my water bottle full of crisp ice water, to encourage me to hydrate. The coldness is soothing too.
More exercise, regularly, would also be a great habit to get back into. Some of that is complicated by health issues, which I won’t ick you out by describing. Yes, I am on my feet at work, and moving around, typically, but I need more than that to stay limber and process my stress.
How am I coping with anxiety and difficult emotions?
I struggle a lot there, too. Been trying to remember to breathe. That sounds silly on the surface, but it does help.
I actually have a whole big thing on my wall all about coping with my emotions, that goes through levels of functionality with my anxiety and depression. The trick is actually using it instead of just ooing and aaahing at the graphics on it. It is cute, though lol.
I think that covers all the topics on the check-in image, since I ran out of time to address them all, the other morning.
OH did I mention that I found out there will be an art show of pieces inspired by the theme of the month of October? Totally up my alley thematically. Halloween is my all-time fave. I haven’t made any art for it yet, but I want to. And I decided to take some of my own photos and create an oracle set called The October Oracle (working title), themed with October/Halloween, with cute things and effects added to the images, and divination meanings.
Fittingly, I just came to Killing Joke’s “On All Hallow’s Eve” on the playlist I’m streaming. I started it driving home, because I saw my phone was at 69% battery, which instantly made me think of sexy goth. Then it dawned on me– the first track is by The 69 Eyes. So it’s not just me with my thoughts in the gutter lol.
Here’s my first possible oracle card. I’m not sure if it would be one you could pull in a reading as well as a card to represent the querent. That seems maybe the best way to do it? Since I am planning on a 31 card set? One for each day of October. Anywho. Check it out!!! Still a roughish draft. My girl Unity.
I may make another oracle card before bed. We’re expecting some stormy weather after midnight. Kinda tempted to stay up for that excitement. We’ll see.
GRATITUDE LIST FOR TODAY:
- All the excitement of (mildish) stormy weather when I’m cozied up at home
- Plans with friends, and conversations full of laughter, sharing memes with the long-distance bestie and the former coworker friend
- The simple pleasure of successfully standing up from my bed without needing a pep talk from my daughter, because talking to my friend unwound most of the tension in my back
- Getting my library book dropped off on time, and picking up a Starbucks drink before heading home, my mom’s treat, because I accidentally left my wallet at home when I left this morning, and didn’t realize it until after work (whoops!).
- Nearly full tank of gas, just in time for adventuring tomorrow
- Plans to possibly check out a Cirque Italia Water Circus show on the 4th of July. But if that doesn’t pan out, I was also invited to a cookout. Which, even if I don’t attend that, I appreciated the invite. It would be off the beaten path, I think, and a-ways away from me. We’ll see.
Have a blessedly wonderful evening!!!!
All the Bright and Sparkly Things 
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