I’m not sure how many of y’all celebrate Easter, but if you do, I hope it was a happy occasion. I don’t identify as Christian, but I did get together with extended family for a meal. No photos of that. But then, it’s rare that I post family images on here. Once in awhile. Not often.
I had thought something my mom said the other day meant they were spoiling me with another full-on Easter basket this year, but I was apparently mistaken.
Which was totally okay. I don’t think I’ve ever managed to eat all the candy, as an adult. They were more of a childhood pleasure. Cadbury eggs and Jelly Bellies were my faves. It was so fun to eat the jelly beans one at a time and savor each flavor. Besides, not that I never have a lil treat, but I am trying in small ways to eat healthier.
HOWEVER, we did all stop at Seroogy’s yesterday, and my dad offered to buy me something. I had seen these adorable “Sunny Side Up Cashew Snappers” on a previous visit and found them utterly delightful. So, I chose one of those. The white chocolate was SO SO sweet! But it was very good.
Here it is, perched on my lap in the car, just before I ate it. It was too cute not to photograph. And hey, preserving memories.
The BIGGER news involves the blouse in the first pic.
It was the very last one in the store, after I had mistakenly believed they were all sold out. Someone else tried it on, but it was too small. Once they’d found it, I took it into the fitting room myself. I fully expected it would be one size small on me, as well.
BUT… it fit perfectly. An 18/20. Still plus, but a lot closer to the size I was over 10 years ago. I think I could once shimmy my way into size 14 jeans, so we’re not there yet. 14/16 pants fit, but for a whole size, I sometimes need the 16. Getting warmer.
Not sure if I could get away with an 18/20 top in everything at this point– if I am buying my clothes too big– or if this one was just cut rather generously. Either way, I will take the win!
I even managed a cute makeup look today.
Dug out an old pair of black yoga pants for comfort. They’re almost at the point of slipping off my waist and hips, but they still KIND of fit. Just a bit big.
I have a gorgeous black trench coat with hot pink satin lining in my closet, that I refused to donate, on the off chance that it might one day fit again. Will have to give it a whirl and see! Don’t remember what size it was.
AND I also have a similarly hot pink corset from that era, I believe, lingering at the back of the closet. Anticipation.
So. Progress. YAY!
One piece of candy I could finish, versus a basket, I likely could not. I can most definitely handle that.
I stayed up until around THREE in the MORNING last night, typing away. Eventually, I drifted off to my room, wound down, and tried to sleep. It wasn’t easy at that point. I think I’d pushed past my initial sleepiness threshold. But I eventually passed out. Interesting dreams, too.
(Above, a photo with a sign that reminded me of something a fellow creative once told me: “Keep dreaming, young dreamer.”)
In one dream, I was having a conversation with someone, a younger guy, and I somehow discovered a hundred dollar bill I didn’t know I had? Then found other money, besides. I looked up, I think at a very high ceiling wherever we were, and said to myself, “Two spirit guides.”
Dude asked me something about what I had meant. Either he or I led me to the conclusion that maybe David from The Lost Boys is presently acting in the role of Spirit Guide for me. LOL. In the moment, I reflected that he understood the values of home, and loyalty. At least, that’s what I remember.
And, of course, he inspired my vampire character, Dorian Volker. Some of the characters I think feel pretty three-dimensional, but I hope Dorian has all the charisma for any future readers, that he does for me.
I was thinking about him while standing at the sink last night. Maybe brushing my teeth before bed. He’s very flawed, but also very loving. Moody as hell.
All of that reminded me how much I tend to love somewhat-unstable, unpredictable bastards, in real life and on the page, because they keep life interesting. I don’t recommend them as a life choice, necessarily, but it’s an admitted pattern of mine.
I had just written a scene where his partner Jared said he’s felt many things since meeting Dorian, and their shared partner, Haven, but never boredom.
Even if he isn’t as violent as David, I think Dorian’s chaotic personality feels on-brand. And also, that part of the conversation feels like one I could have had with any number of past partners.
When I get bored, I’m out.
Sometimes sparks die out altogether, and physical affection feels forced, unwelcome. Pointless. One guy, I literally told I was bored. I don’t think he was intensely into me, either, so all is fair, as they say.
I’d like to think I’d take a more sensitive approach now, but I still don’t tolerate much bullsh!t.
The last one had made some kind of comment about offering a good time to people who wouldn’t ordinarily receive it without being fetishized (in reference to my weight, and possibly also my bisexuality). That alone never sat right with me.
And in spite of his inflated ego, he wasn’t all that fun to tangle with (even if he’d mumbled once or twice that he was out of practice… he also later said something about his superior knowledge of female anatomy, which I did not find accurate AT all).
I was never that invested physically, which also didn’t help. But then, he disappeared, after we’d established a pattern of messaging daily. Sometimes, he’d hop on that reply so fast, we’d get in a full 20 or more messages in a day.
I asked if he was okay, and he gave me some BS answer that yes, he was fine, just feeling “distant” or something. Even that response came a week or two after my inquiry. Which, like, you can be an adult, and let someone know you need space, without nearly ghosting.
I just gave up on him but didn’t block. I’m not sure why.
He reappeared, ready to start back up again, a couple months later, wanting me to be all enthusiastic and impressed that he’d just backpacked Europe.
I wasn’t.
I told him about my increased physical activity and weight loss.
He similarly didn’t praise or support that, but instead tried to one-up me by telling me how many miles they’d walked in Europe every day.
THAT was when I blocked.
But… moving back to happier subjects.
I looked it up just now and found some sources do actually agree that pop culture figures can act as Spirit Guides.
It’s interesting, because I recall there was a good long while when I would regularly dream about Sam and Dean Winchester. Never spicy dreams. Just scenarios where they were protective in some way, or what have you. And I hadn’t watched Supernatural in literal years. Those dreams always had the flavor of a deep emotional connection. They were, I think, archetypally supportive of the journey I was on at that time.
So… David? Interesting choice. LOL. I suppose there is a place for ruthlessness at times. And he made a great leader among his gang of outcasts.
He was also hella seductive.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to appreciate how foxy Kiefer Sutherland was back then, even though I was a Michael and Star girlie in my youth. I did point out to my bestie, however, that they were all too old for me when I first saw the movie, and now, would be too young.
The main cast that I looked up was no more than 23 or 24 at the time the movie was filmed. I think Sutherland was 24. My kiddo’s age. He looks older, maybe. Time-grizzled. But still.
At least the actor who plays Lestat on AMC is close to 40. And, Lestat has lived for centuries. So. That’s a more guiltless pleasure.
Well, Sutherland was still DANG spicy during his 24 era, when he’d be somewhere in range of the age I am now. I’ll grant that, and add that I am just as biased in my self-assessment. I still think I was more of a smokin’ babe years ago. Alors.
Moving on.
David’s was the only specific name to pop up in my mind during my dream last night. Yet, I had said “two spirit guides.” Fully understanding that these roles may shift over time. Maybe Sam and Dean have been replaced.
That begs the question, who’s the other one?
I’ve subtly hinted that Jim Morrison and Dorian Volker had a brief romance. That’s another layer of meaning behind the naming convention. Haven introduces Jared to Dorian because of his passing resemblance to Morrison (as Jason Patric’s Michael Emerson was juxtaposed against a massive black and white image of Morrison in the vampires’ lair… Patric definitely had the hair and the facial structure).
And I have had some synchronicity with the project, relating to The Doors.
I think while writing the first one, The Violent released their cover of “People Are Strange,” which I managed to catch just as it was being introduced by the DJ. Either the day of its release, or pretty close to it.
More recently, a poppier cover of “Riders On the Storm” is now part of the shuffle at work. That started a few days ago.
Going further back, I used to dream of Jim Morrison. We’d have long conversations that I never remembered in the morning. I always woke up feeling more centered, more at peace with myself and my circumstances.
Once, I dreamed he was somehow folded up into the glove compartment of a car I’d found abandoned at a nearby park (no car there in reality). He spoke to me from within it.
Fascinatingly, I would one day meet someone who found a copy of a Jim Morrison biography (No One Here Gets Out Alive) in the glove compartment of an abandoned car. That connection felt fated. And that dude was a musician.
Either way, I would never jump to the conclusion that I’m getting guidance from THE spirit of the REAL Jim Morrison (assuming you don’t believe the recent documentary that he’s alive and well and still in contact with some old friends).
Maybe it’s more the distilled essence of Jim’s mojo, that I acquired after reading countless biographies and poems, and sampling at least one piece of literature written by each of the artists he cited as influential to him creatively.
I was OBSESSED in high school. A friend and I had heated debates over who was more likely to have been Jim reincarnated, me or him. That lasted for a time into my early college years, as well. I researched him like it was homework. Annotated song lyrics in my journals. I have a photo of his grave that I have no recollection of receiving. No idea where it came from. Found it tucked into a journal from when I was 17-19.
So…maybe Morrison? It would make sense, in a way, given the references in Wishful Sinful and its related works.
I will ponder further.
The possibility of Jim Morrison only occurred to me as I was writing this entry. All fun things to think about.
EDIT TO ADD: OR LESTAT! EEEP!
BUT… 200 posts!!! OMG!!!
Going all the way back to the winter of 2022.
I just reread my first post.
It looks like I started sometime after kiddo had left for Texas, and ultimately, Oklahoma, though I’m not sure if she left in 2021 or May of 2022. It was definitely May. May 30th.
I don’t state this outright, at least not in the first two posts, but the rebirth of my WordPress content at that time was intended to help me find things to be grateful for, with her gone.
At least, that’s how I remember it. I know I contemplated writing a book on empty-nesting. At the time, I was struggling too much to commit to it. Now, I think it would just be dredging up hurt feelings, instead of pressing onward.
I hope you’ll stick with me on this wild journey, as I cast my net wide, collecting All the Bright and Sparkly Things.
Which, apparently, sometimes include gothy vampires. Not because they sparkle, but because they set my eyes a-glitter with longing, and (paradoxically) brighten my world, even amidst their darkness.
All the Bright and Sparkly Things 
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