I said to hell with it last night and added to my painting projects even with my fancy jeans on. As far as I know, they are still paint-free. Started out just adding Sharpie outlines, then busted out the acrylics. I think I’m fairly satisfied with how both projects turned out? As much as I ever am by anything I make. Definitely like one more than the other, but I am also more than ready to move on to something new.
Forgot all about my vague French toast or cereal ambitions when I got to the store today. I stuck to my list, apart from crossing some things off of it, and going with a smaller package of fresh strawberries, since I wasn’t sure I would go through the big one in time.
I wasn’t feeling the greatest physically or mentally while I was shopping, but I did a good job, anyway, and saved almost $73, just today, with digital offers, weekly deals, etc.
A fair chunk of that was soda 12 packs buy two, get two, and my fiber gummies, buy one, get one. Still. Big savings! And now I will have plenty of soda to enjoy at home, and take to work. And fiber supplements, again. Had run out some time ago.
Almost as soon as the groceries were put away, I ate the fresh raspberries. The package was pretty small, but I figured it was okay to eat them all in one sitting. It’s just fruit. Besides, it’s a holiday weekend, and I won’t be able to attend any family get-togethers for it. And there were no substitute or bonus plans made or suggested for my day off. Just me and me. And the cat. May as well try to make it feel special.
Then, I had some of the strawberries. They were amazingly delicious! Some of the riper ones were red all the way through to the core and SO so sweet!
And lastly, I made myself some soup, from one of the cans I bought the last time I stocked up. Added some pepper and bacon bits, and a piece of toast.
I just feel really low today, and really left out, and burdensome.
I don’t even feel like listening to music. I tried. Tapped out after two songs.
I guess I could make more art, or write.
I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be anywhere. I don’t want to be.
I think I have a therapy appointment coming up Wednesday morning, so I can vent then.
Kiddo wants me to call the Crisis Center tonight. Dunno if I want to do that.
I tried curling up in bed, just for the comfort of the warm, thick blanket.
Had to stop because of back pain.
My infamous Covid shutdown-era back injury. Who says scrolling endlessly in bed isn’t dangerous? I had a muscle in my back stretched weird in the same position for too long, and it seized up on me. Even with physical therapy exercises and pain stuff, I still have issues with it.
Kiddo called, and we talked for a while. That helped some. I don’t imagine it’s any fun having a mom dangerously depressed when you live too far away to do much about it. But then again, I don’t think that aspect was much fun when she lived here, either. To say nothing of my manic phases.
Not sure if I am up to making the black pepper and bleu cheese burgers or the bacon-wrapped tenderloin I bought, for more of that cookout flair that I got from just fresh berries and ice cream. I didn’t have eggs and bacon in me this morning and instead settled for buttered toast.
It’s a little late for dinner, but this is about the time I eat at night anyway, when I work a closing shift. I’m not really concerned about that, I guess. I doubt I could fall asleep hungry, even if I tried. But I did also pick up a pretty amazing brand of frozen pizza, so I have an easy option. If I wanted it to feel healthier, I could add some salad to the meal.
I suppose that’s an adequate amount of wallowing, especially within a blog that’s supposed to be about positivity. But sometimes, I think, it’s necessary to just flat out admit you’re hurting, and to consider why. I won’t go into all the details of that, because seeing it reinforced in print on my PC wasn’t helpful, and it’s not something I really want to put “out there.”
OH I suppose I do have something rather positive and exciting to share! Today’s the birthday of the author of Lost Souls, that vampire book I can’t seem to put down for very long. So, I will definitely have to read more of it before falling asleep tonight. Not that I would have done otherwise, regardless.
Kinda fun that the date is so close to World Goth Day.
Hey, and that also means the author is a Gemini, like me. Fun stuff!
I listened to one of the songs from the indie artist CD’s I recently received, and if I’m not mistaken, the lyrics either are an Emily Dickinson poem, or were heavily inspired by one. They’re also on Spotify, for the curious. Valentine Wolfe.
Okay. I guess it’s time to preheat the oven for pizza and try to find something for mood-boosting. I have plenty of grated Italian cheese to add. Next time, I’ll have to also pick up crushed red pepper flakes. I like a little spice. Insert clever innuendo here.
(Not my photo below, but it looks like a pretty sexy pizza, wouldn’t you say? Mine’s a Philly Cheesesteak-inspired thing. I think officially, it just says “Stadium Steak.” But that seems to be the idea.)
Thankful I was able to get to the store and restock, and lavish myself with (mostly) healthy treats. We’ll see where the rest of the night leads. Even if it doesn’t turn into an uber-late one.
All the Bright and Sparkly Things 
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