Nearly had lunch at Olive Garden then happened to remember the gift card I’d won for the mac n cheese restaurant. So, my mom and I stopped there, instead. At first, she thought she’d been there before, but she must’ve been thinking of somewhere else.
She got the BBQ Chicken Salad, and I had the Barbacoa Mac (to which I added sriracha).
More fitting choice for a meal given it was National Cheese Day today, but I suppose there’s cheesy things at Olive Garden, too. I knew about National Cheese Day because I think nearly EVERY restaurant chain that has my email, was running a special for it. Cheesy breadsticks, pizza discounts, free nachos and cheese with $15 purchase… you name it.
I called my mom just to check in, and see what she was up to, and tell her what *I* was up to. She immediately wanted to go out and do something. Told her I had a couple errands to run and had to clean up after the cat, but that she could come with me to the vet and the pharmacy. Then, we could do whatever.
I was REAL tired today. Last night, too. But it’s going to be okay. I’ll reset, as I said.
So I wasn’t up to going up to Door County like she initially wanted, especially since I was the one driving. She did also suggest lunch, which sounded great. I kept the radio turned way down as we were doing errands, and then trying to determine our next moves.
As I said, she at first suggested Olive Garden. We were almost there when I remembered the gift card. So, I turned us around, and headed to MAC’s, instead. It was fun to give her a new experience. I got a photo of her with her salad, but she wasn’t smiling, and looked flat-out exhausted. That one, I only shared on Facebook, where it would be friends only seeing it.
Well, I looked again, and I guess she had a small, almost Mona Lisa smile tugging at her mouth. Maybe it’s just hard for me to confront how much older she looks now– something that somehow seems more apparent in photographs.
It was a new adventure for her, and tasty Mac n Cheese for me. And the gift card covered both our entrees and my soda, completely.
There’s a thrift store very close by that restaurant. Well, technically, two of them– one a little further away than the other. I used to work at the further one, and still need to head back over there to say hi to everyone. My old boss said she misses my face. Aw.
We stopped at the closer one. I immediately zeroed in on the jewelry. There’s never a LOT of it, but sometimes, you can find some interesting pieces. Today, I found two. One was even the color tag that was half off. And something else I scored was 25% off.
There’s the first one. Not sure if that’s real turquoise or imitation. And I forget what kind of gemstone the other one appears to be. Not tiger’s eye. Something different. Then, there’s the piece of iridescent glass dangling off the end. Very pretty. Caught my eye immediately.
Hm, maybe brown jasper? I suppose I could always wear it to the apothecary, and compare it to the labelled stones. Likely they’re not actually semi-precious stones. but I still really love the necklace. And it’s kinda a fun touch with that shirt, though I think the second one I bought matches the beachy vibe a little bit better.
ALLLLLL the beads!
And, as if two cute necklaces for $3 wasn’t good enough, I found this in the purse section, over by the fitting rooms:
It was made for kids. The strap is SUPER short. But I tied it in a knot, and can use it as a handbag rather than something to sling over my shoulder. Thought it would be super fun for nights out, just big enough for my wallet and phone and a little makeup.
My existing bar purse/special occasion purse has seen better days. Not that I frequent bars often, but who knows? Concerts? Etc.? Maybe concerts I would just pocket everything. We’ll see. I just love unicorns and had to have it.
OH though there is also that cute purse I had gotten for New Year’s Eve and didn’t use until Mother’s Day. Well, that’s okay. I paid only $8 for everything, and lunch was free! Thanks to that Mother’s Day Instagram contest.
Before heading back, I booted up Spotify with my car’s USB port. I sifted through my playlists, looking for something that wouldn’t pepper us with sex and profanity as I drove. Opened up Daylist and had something very 60’s/70’s, and I don’t think any of it had explicit lyrics. She seemed to enjoy it, and asked me about the artists. I showed her how you could see them displayed on the dash. She’d also asked who was singing the song at the restaurant. One of them was Jefferson Airplane. Very hippie afternoon, musically. And maybe the necklaces, too!
I also had a virtual therapy appointment this morning. One of the things I mentioned catching her up, was my discovery that my phone’s facial recognition can’t tell me and my daughter apart, which she thought was super cute. I tried to show her a pic with my webcam, but it was too blurry. Sent her one via email later. Hopefully she won’t mind. I’m not sure how soon we’ll be meeting in person, anyway, and wanted to share.
It was one of the photos of me and my daughter from her last visit here, when we were at the art gallery, checking out my entries in the Pride art show, and making our own mini Pride flags, with materials they provided.
I think of her, and that day, every time I see my flag, poking up out of a bucket on my computer desk. I was a little experimental with it, using the rainbow colors in part, and something like bi pride colors in the center, but both at an angle. And on the flip side, I glued on dictionary definitions of bisexual and biphobia.
It looks blurry, but that’s just the texture. That side is made of colored felt.
The definitions, I added later, since I felt like the design part of my flag was kind of “backwards.” There was something about the shape of the felt that I had seen and maybe something on the back of it, that determined which side of the stick I would fly it from. It’s right to left, instead of left to right. So, I made another side. And anyway, Pride is a protest against phobia and bigotry and hate, and a celebration of self and love. So, both sides seem fitting.
TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of death, grief, suicide below.
On a more serious note, I finally heard back from my friend whose father has died.
She said she and her mom are okay.
Mostly, she was texting to let me know the dates and times of the viewing and the funeral. I had to make some arrangements with work to ensure I could attend both. Only had the one day free, not the other. But we all made it work.
The viewing is tomorrow.
I might have to pick up something suitable to wear to both, but I do have a bit of time? The viewing isn’t until 4 PM. I have a blue shirt I could wear with my black cardigan, but it’s a saturated blue. Not sure about it. And my best-fitting black pants might need washing.
They’re a bit casual, under the circumstances, but I haven’t yet replaced my dress pants in my updated size. I’ve been a little hesitant to buy too much at once, since my size keeps changing. Not that I haven’t been shopping? But I haven’t rebuilt my whole wardrobe at once.
Had to use a belt to wear my denim shorts out of the apartment. Was a little concerned they might slip down my hips. It wasn’t even my belt, either. It was an older belt of kiddo’s that she left behind, from when she was thinner than me. Had to tighten it quite a bit. Pretty sure I tried to wear it in the past, and it was too small.
But yes, my friend, and her grief.
I’m really grateful I can be there for her, even if I never met her dad. They had I think kind of a complicated, messy relationship. She told me again and again that they didn’t really get along. I can understand that, but your dad is still your dad. That loss has to make some kind of impact.
I’ve met her mom, however, and she’s incredibly kind.
I do have a black dress, but no suitable shoes for that. No suitable dress shoes at all, actually, since I blew through two pairs of cute black boots this fall, with all the walking I was doing. Maybe black sandals. It is summer. And those I would get more use out of, after. We’ll see what I can find, in my size.
There’s a black satin button-down I bought out of Clearance, but I think I would be swimming in it now. It was a little big when I bought it. I guess I could look for it in the to-be-donated stuff and give it one last try, maybe.
I could have tried the thrift store for clothes, especially since I’ve dropped a top size, and a few bottom sizes, but I have $30 in rewards to spend, somewhere else.
All that will depend on how much driving around I’m up to, tomorrow.
I did FINALLY start reading something apart from Lost Souls.
The Day and Night Books of Mardou Fox (actual title has an ampersand, but I think this site turns those into a string of symbols). Very, very good so far! Inspired by the life of a Beat poet I had no knowledge of, before having discovered it at the library.
So, I have that waiting for me. Huzzah!
I also read a post tonight that one of my friends had shared, about the experience of dying, from the perspective of someone who has witnessed many deaths, talking to someone else who is near death but still lucid enough to describe the experience.
Heavy stuff.
Lots to think about, tonight. I may also try to write. I did watch Night Teeth on Netflix tonight and enjoyed that. Vampiric comfort zone FTW!!!
If I stay up a bit, I might also need to rustle up a late breakfast for dinner. NEARLY stopped at the store for French toast supplies and spinach. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow. Eating feels like-affirming. But then, so do the arts.
I hit a real low spot again tonight, briefly, then reflected that my friend needs me. I need to stick around. And kiddo. She may be an adult, but I’ll always be her mom. She did ONCE say she’d recover if I ended my life, but later said I’m going to have to live forever. I think it will be a very difficult goodbye for her, for both of us.
Wish I could say I had made those images myself. They’re stunning, right? Found them on Pexels. They seem fitting to heavier topics.
Will have to create more visual art, soon. Something maybe a bit “artier” than the kind of craftsy stuff I made with the leftover Valentine’s Day bits. Still have one of those to paint. That’s also an option for creative pursuits this evening.
Not sure if any of y’all also suffer with depressive thoughts and such. I’ll stick it out alongside you, if you do.
My self-care app posted something about The Trevor Project, that they’re donating $10,000 to it, and they shared the phone number.
If you’re an LGBTQIA+ teen in need of help, or if you’re able to donate to that cause, check out their website. thetrevorproject.org.
Life’s a complex thing. But maybe that’s the beauty of it.
Such a tapestry of experiences, no two exactly the same.
Here’s to more adventures, of every kind. Wishing you the same! Hang in there for the next one.
All the Bright and Sparkly Things 
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