That phrase reminds me of the John Wick movies. But today, it’s about being there for Neva. She messaged me this morning, shortly after I’d woken up for the day, after dreaming I was back with the crew from one of my movie theater jobs, vacuuming what looked to be straw or hay off of floor mats, while our manager told me we only had 5 more minutes to get it all done (IRL, we would stay until everything was clean).
All she said was “hello.” She had told me she would call sometime last night after she finished work, but didn’t. Not incredibly unusual? She doesn’t always follow through on things like that.
I’ll be able to see how she’s actually doing today.
I did try on the black satin, long-sleeve, button-down I had gotten on Clearance. It is big, but I guess it works? As I had said to a coworker when I tried it on, I feel like it gives wearing dude’s shirt the morning after, vibes. A little loose in the torso, and the sleeves are a little long. But that’s okay.
I’m going with dark denim, instead of trying to buy or hunt down or wash black pants.
And I did find one pair of black shoes remaining, from many, many years ago. They were pretty snug when I first put them on but seem to be loosening as I wear them, and get used to them.
So, I can save my $30 in rewards for something else. Considering spending it on kiddo, even if part of it is a birthday reward, that I really should spend on myself. There are a couple more pairs of shorts that I think she would like. Then, she would have a LOT of shorts to choose from, for the summer.
I just looked at my orders, and I already sent her 7 pairs of shorts and one pair of leggings. Two of the shorts were denim. The rest were a cottony, stretchy waistband style. But it’s hard not to spoil her. And she loves having comfy shorts to sleep in. The ones I found more recently, on Clearance, even, I think would be even softer than some of the ones I already sent. Well, I’ll think it over. I have until Monday to use part of my credits and until the end of June for the rest of it.
So, Neva just called me. She sounded really grateful that I would be there, and suggested maybe we could get something to eat after the viewing is over. I guess her dad had pneumonia that no one had noticed until it was too late, and was down to about 100 pounds, and didn’t make it through his last round of chemo. She thinks he wasn’t well enough to have handled the chemo, and wonders if he would still be alive if they had held off on it, or stopped chemo altogether. But I suppose there’s no way of knowing something like that.
I’ve got some time yet until I need to head to the funeral home. They’re having just close family for the first hour, then everyone else. I’ll be part of the “everyone else” group.
Still have to brush my teeth. Not sure if I want to do some subtle makeup. Maybe. Eyeliner and mascara, and some lip color. Nothing dramatic. It just feels like a special occasion, and I want to present myself well. Not that today is in any way, shape, or form about me, but I want to respect the occasion. I think a dressy satin shirt goes a long way toward that, too.
I suppose I could be getting stuff done around here, beyond just feeding the cat. But I’m in a heavy, somber mood. Didn’t even make myself breakfast. Just had some fresh dates out of the fridge, instead. A meal after the viewing would be good. Food can be healing. As I said previously, life-affirming.
She’d said after the burial tomorrow, everyone is meeting back at her “mom’s house,” no longer her “mom and dad’s house,” or her “parents’ house.” She’s gonna raise a canopy, and people are bringing food to share. I could maybe see if my family still has a cooler, get some ice, and bring one of my unopened 12 packs? Or pick up some kind of nice appetizer platter? I’d like to contribute in some way.
Maybe I should skip the eye-makeup. I’m not sure if any of mine is waterproof, and I’m already nearly crying, on Neva’s behalf. They knew this was coming at some point, but she said they had all hoped he would at least make it through the rest of the summer.
My long-distance bestie Barbara also already lost her dad. That was actually part of how we met in person, the one time we did. They were back in Illinois, from Arizona, to have a celebration of life, with friends and family from there. She’d grown up in Chicago, while I was living in one of the outer suburbs. Odd that we didn’t connect until we were practically on opposite sides of the country.
And my best friend from my high school era, her dad and her sister have passed.
I guess this feels more personal because I have the opportunity to physically be there, so it’s hitting a little harder. I didn’t attend anything for the Arizona friend’s dad. We only met up, downtown, at a pizza place. She and her daughter, and myself and my dad, who had done the driving.
It feels like a big responsibility. Not sure how many of her other friends will be there? Many, I hope. She deserves that. But I will do my best, to do what’s needed, even if it’s just being present.
All the Bright and Sparkly Things 
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