Love, Lust, and Angel Numbers

So I didn’t clear off the WHOLE desk, and organize EVERYTHING. In fact, there is still a lot of organizing of bits and bobs remaining. Mostly, I moved things off a corner of it, and set them aside. Will have to deal with them, in time.

BUT I did wipe down the corner of my desk where the mousepad is. The cubbies and drawers at the back of the desk prevent it from sitting flush with the edge of the desk, but I did my best.

I think it looks pretty nice! (Pic to follow)

That may not be SUPER impressive; however, I also sorted through many, many baskets of clothes. I now have three garbage bags full, prepped for donation. (Yes, that is a lot of clothes).

And I had already donated two.

Still two more baskets left, partly full of clean clothes, but also carrying various things I didn’t put away after bringing them home. So those might be a little more complicated to tackle. More sorting than simply “donate” and “keep.” Finding places for things.

I didn’t clean any clothes today, but I’ve got a bit of stuff I can wear to work for the next couple days, to tide me over, and have laundry prepped and ready to be cleaned. There may even be more blouses/t-shirts I could use, in the remaining baskets. We’ll see.

The cat had quite a bit of fun watching me go through my clothes. She was super curious about what exactly I was up to. I think she’ll like it when there’s less “stuff” around. I may even end up getting rid of some of my laundry baskets. Maybe that would encourage me to buy fewer clothes, and process what needs washing, more quickly.

One basket has my full name on it, in VERY large permanent marker lettering. So I can’t see donating THAT. Might be worth hanging on to. I’m not sure why I thought it was necessary to label it so obnoxiously?! Thinking someone might steal it out of the laundry room?

Not sure if I mentioned this anywhere else on this blog. I tried to sift back through my last couple posts, looking for it, but I don’t THINK I saw anything about it?

Must have just discussed it in chat form, with more than one person. I just checked my older posts again, and still see nothing. SO…

As I was driving home from work on Sunday, I was thinking about picking up a pizza at the gas station. Not a hot pizza. A frozen one. A brand I especially like, that I discovered is sold at the station right by my place. And if you just go for something simple like cheese and sausage, it’s way cheaper than at the grocery store. I needed gas, anyway, so it seemed like a good idea.

Debating all of this, I happened to recall a line of dialogue from a movie that had made quite the impression on me, during my formative years. My coming of age, if you will. Something along the lines of sex being like pizza, because even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.

Although that same character later contradicts himself, complaining about an especially bad sexual experience. BUT… I shared this quote with long-distance bestie, and she opined that she generally finds pizza more reliable. I agreed.

I think ultimately, why the quote occurred to me, was because I had a rough end of the day, and I was convincing myself some soda and a pizza would be a fair substitute for booty.

To say nothing of writing sexy vampire fiction!

I was pretty sure I remembered where the quote came from, but I looked it up, to be sure. The 1994, I believe, movie Threesome. I could be wildly incorrect, but I like to think that movie is the reason pop culture slang moved away from “three-way” and toward “threesome.”

Anyway, it’s pretty charming, even if the drama and fallout seem a little excessive. To me, anyway. Why can’t they all live happily ever after, together, somehow? But I guess that wouldn’t be cinematic enough.

Gorgeous actors, fun and flirty scenes.

So I Googled where you can stream it.

There was a CHANCE I could have watched it free with Tubi or something similar, but I wasn’t sure if that would mean commercial interruptions. I then checked the listing for it on Prime Video. Renting and selling, either way, for about $5.

I’m nearing the end of what’s left of my paycheck, from spoiling kiddo, and lil treats, etc. But I figured, hell, I can afford $5 to watch a movie. And now I can watch it, any time I want. It seemed silly to rent it and limit myself to 48 hours of access when I could buy it for the same price.

Bought it Sunday but didn’t start watching it until this afternoon. Finished it later on, tonight.

Also discovered a plethora of non-porn titles on Amazon, also about love triangles and such.

Which I plan to delve into, at some point. Mwuahahaha.

Anyway, it was fun to reminisce about younger-me, watching it, dreaming of a life where wild things like that could happen. I feel like I did pretty well, in that regard, even if I’ve been pretty tame, for the most part, as of late.

I do have a lot of fun love-life stories.

Like how I feel a certain way about that song, “Jessie’s Girl,” because I briefly dated first a Jessie, and later, a Jesse. First one, female, second one, male. Though the guy had some interesting takes on his gender expression. I’m not sure where he might be at with that now.

I guess I just got frustrated because I wanted moments where I could be the pretty one, too, and felt like most of the attention to appearance and girlie outfits went to him. And the passion turned out to be more lacking than what I’d expected, based on initial attraction. We didn’t gel.

Balance is key.

There was a girlfriend I had, who I had an agreement with, about how when we went out on the town together, we would take turns being the pretty/girlie one. One of us would dress up, and the other would go casual.

Not sure that I would insist on anything like that, at this point. That seems needlessly strict.

Still, it’s nice to sometimes be on the receiving end, not just giving attention away.

We got some weird looks when we were kissing in a vaguely Aussie-themed bar that may not be a thing here anymore, but the former 70’s bar with all the lava lamps was a very friendly space.

Remembering. Calling back my wildness.

It’s a good thing.

Doesn’t mean I will hop into a relationship immediately. I am notoriously picky.

And I am still gun-shy about my tendency to pick them unbelievably beautiful and very, very damaged. Now THERE is a reason for a lot of drama and fallout.

I have Jared’s mom in Mystery Train tell him something along the lines of how she hopes he doesn’t get cut on any of Dorian’s sharp edges.

Is the cliche expression that hurt people, hurt people?

I suppose I have been guilty of that, too, if I am honest.

Lots of reasons to take my time. Life hasn’t been necessarily easy on my own. I’ve known some pretty intense depression. Still, I’ve felt FAR stabler than I did, post-break-up, FOR SURE. I hate to risk putting myself though all that.

But you have to risk something, eventually, I suppose. You can’t win if you don’t play the game.

Not a mystery I will unravel before bed.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s the sort of thing you actually CAN intellectually debate, since it’s more about vibes, and feelings. Instincts, chemistry. Nothing the head can puzzle its way through. Even if I am often tempted to either over-intellectualize, or lead solely by intuition, in turn.

I had a guy friend tell me once he didn’t think it was a good idea to make important decisions with intuition. I’m not so sold on that. Maybe I could have saved myself some pain along the way, had I made different choices.

But for instance, every time I’ve leapt to a new professional opportunity, there has been a certain spark telling me the time was right. “Signs,” if you will.

Same thing with where I decided to go to college, what I wanted to study… down to what books I read when, to suit my emotional needs or offer the right kind of inspiration.

Even when I was building my quick Mad Hatter costume, starting with the licensed hat I already had… I entered the craft store and let intuition guide the way, and found the perfect things.

And playlist building involves some synchronicity at times.

Have had a lot of synchronicity while working on this vampire series. Whatever happens or doesn’t, once it’s out in the world, it feels like an important story for me to tell.

Speaking of intuition and all things ooky… I saw 11:11 tonight.

Angel numbers, if you believe. Sometimes, I do.

Not sure if all the images in the collage were open domain, so I’m risking it being pulled down. But it is a fun one, for sure! And more interesting than my first choice in featured images.

What do you think about leading with intuition, when it feels right? I’d be curious to hear.

For the curious, here’s the mouse pad. Not as ethereal, but I’m still proud I got it set up.

Peace!