WELL. I had rather a challenging day. Rather than do anything actually destructive, I did a bit of therapeutic spending and upgraded this blog.

Wadda ya think?

When I saw the sorts of ads that tend to populate the free sites, looking at my own content, I was kinda grossed out. Artistic renderings of toenail fungus, etc. Who wants that sort of thing associated with their groovy thoughts? Not me.

So I’ve been debating this for a bit. It wasn’t exactly an impulse buy. Tonight just felt like the right night to do it.

Oh, the featured photo: actually taken by me this time, outside of work, just before I got in my car to head home. Oil slicks in rain puddles are one of my favorite aesthetics. It made me so happy to see it. And someone on Facebook challenged me to find a fresh image every day for 10 days that brought me joy. So, BAM.

I also saw a bumper sticker today that said “Chewie is my co-pilot.” Very awesome stuff.

What else is new in the realm? What are we grateful for today?

Well, I’ve switched gears musically and am listening to 90s Pop Romcom. Grateful that I have little luxuries like Spotify Premium.

When my mom was wondering if she was familiar with any Bon Jovi songs (per the docuseries launching on Hulu), I could bring up “I’ll Be There for You” then stealthily try not to make it obvious that I was crying. That song always gets me.

Shoulda gone with something safer like “Livin on a Prayer.” Are we by and large familiar with that one? Ballad about a couple in love, both working tough jobs to get by? Tommy and Gina?

At one point, I knew of a Tommy who was married to a Gina. Apparently we ran in adjacent social circles. Not sure if either of them were Bon Jovi fans, but it’s a cool coincidence.

The first time I met Tommy was at a greasy spoon diner. I’d had a distinct intuition that my then-dude might be there and desperately needed me. The mutual friend I was with at the time cautioned me, “It might not be him. It might be someone similar who needs your help.” I suppose objectively that sounds nuts. BUT I went with it, and drove over to the diner.

Tommy was throwing off MAD vibes of being all sorts of something. Mad, sad, I dunno. But it was INTENSE. I didn’t know who he was, or that he knew my then-dude. I asked if he wanted to sit together, and he was instantly super suspicious. He declined. But when I said something kind on my way out, it seemed to mean a great deal to him. Maybe my imagination? He did visibly relax. Though retrospectively maybe he was glad I was leaving. I hope that’s not the case.

The second time we met, he was stranded somewhere, looking for a ride. I don’t make a habit of picking up hitchers, or accepting rides from strangers. I didn’t even realize he was someone I had met before, until after I pulled over.

It was summertime. I remember because I was making an effort to use rolled down windows instead of AC to lessen the perceived stress on my possibly-aging car; he complained and insisted I use the air conditioning.

I remember theorizing then that maybe I owed him a favor from a past life or something. Again, that probably sounds crazy. Maybe I was just a bit manic and throwing caution to the wind and thought he was cute. Who knows? I didn’t intend to put any moves on. Didn’t even try.

I think I mentioned that we’d met before. He didn’t remember me, naturally. I was just some wacky stranger.

At some point, I shared these experiences with the then-dude, who told me he knew who that was. I’m not sure how we figured out it was someone he knew– a verbal description, or if Tommy told dude about the oddity of someone approaching him in a diner out of nowhere.

Weirdness, all the way around.

I’m grateful I have (thus far) survived all the adventures and experiences afforded me by my creative brain wiring and superstitious outlook. Not to mention all the bizarro stuff I’ve been through while working my way in and out of trauma.

Still working on my healing journey. Thankfully it no longer seems to necessitate putting myself in that kind of potential danger. I suppose talking to someone in a public restaurant is one thing, but I wouldn’t offer any rando a ride these days.

I’m grateful for the memories I have of singing Bon Jovi and Guns n Roses songs to my daughter when she was an infant. “Sweet Child O Mine” will forever be her song. I think of her every time I catch it on FM radio.

Sometimes I miss younger, wilder me. Not that I would want to literally take my life in my hands again… even if depression sometimes makes that a tempting thought. But the excitement. Adrenaline. I dunno. I guess I’m a bit bored. Which is a very dangerous state for me lol…It’s generally what has prompted every destructive relationship choice I have ever made, and many other misadventures.

There are some lyrics in “Beautiful Disaster” by 311 that seem related: “I know a drugstore cowgirl, so afraid of getting bored. She’s always running from something. So many things ignored.” Great song, too.

I think on some levels, my life looks pretty stable and put-together, but there are cracks apparent in the patina if you look closely.

Working on that, too.

But now, for snacks and entertainment.

Have a lovely evening, all! And stay safe out there. Lotta storms raging in the US lately. Here’s an aesthetically-pleasing photo of a billboard ad, to close out the post. An inspiring message, to be sure. Peace!